I'm painfully aware of my inconsistent when it comes to this blog. I did not however, realised that the last post, was in the year 2018. I always thought it was sometime in 2019 and boy, how wrong I was.
Well, I have accepted that I am too disorganized to maintain a blog. I easily get distracted with things going on and forget my plans to update this blog. So, it would be best to just say, whenever I can and able to, I'll post an update.
No promises, no resolutions. Got to be honest with myself after all.
Sunday, July 26, 2020
Thursday, June 07, 2018
June 2018
I am trying to get better, be better and move forward.
It is hard. For every step I take forward, I can easily get pulled back 5 steps.
Things are very uncertain at this point and it worries me. I don't feel my feet firmly on the ground.
I hope things take a turn and some light comes in.
I just need something positive to happen.
It is hard. For every step I take forward, I can easily get pulled back 5 steps.
Things are very uncertain at this point and it worries me. I don't feel my feet firmly on the ground.
I hope things take a turn and some light comes in.
I just need something positive to happen.
Tuesday, May 29, 2018
Signs of Depression
Check out the link below if you are unsure. While we may ignore the signs as nothing more than being moody, it doesn't hurt to check. There is nothing wrong in admitting that you have depression. There is nothing to be ashamed about. I wished I knew that back then. Maybe I could have taken the necessary steps to get better sooner, instead of later.
Depression Signs and Symptoms
Reminiscing The Second Part
The company I was working for, was pretty much mismanaged.
The owner had tunnel vision and kept staring in front while ignoring everything else happening on the sides. He had around 5 companies in total with only one that had a contract and was making a decent profit. The other 4 companies was just dead weight, with overhead and maintenance cost monthly. We ended up using all the profit from the main company to pay everything incurred by the 4.
He trusted too many wrong people. We purchased 6 Toyota Hilux, basic specs from the price of a fully spec. Why, you might ask? Well the logistics manager, had recommended this purchase and brokered the deal between the company and the dealership. We pretty much ended up paying some 120K extra on the deal. The same manager also arranged for the purchase of a BMW 545i where we paid roughly 28K extra, a Toyota Prado which we overpaid by 17K.
I could not do anything about the managers as they were too secured and had the owner's total trust. I could however, clean the bottom of the barrel with the normal staffs. We were about 300 plus staff strong in total when I started. Upon a complete review, I soon realised that we had too many staff and a lot of them had actually very little or no work on a daily basis. I had 9 HR and Admin girls under me, when I needed only 2 Admin and 1 HR with 1 as HR and Admin. There was no reason for the other 4 companies to have HR and Admin staff when there was no work going on. So I began my culling. As the culling progressed, I met staffs who openly told me, that they had not been doing any work for the company for 2 or 3 years now. They just come to the office, punch card and go home or out.
I knew, I was ruffling feathers and I could hear the whispering in the cracks as I was cleaning up the company, but I ignored it and believed that I was doing the right thing. I got rid of 17 staffs that were working in our factory that has not been operational for the past 5 years. Yup, 17 staffs who came to work, only to sleep, watch television, surf the internet, hang out and well, not work. Mind you, the company was paying for their house rent and transportation from home to the office.
Closed down an office we had, where there was no staff yet we were paying rent for the place for the last 3 years with 5 parking passes that no one used. The office was fully set up, with existing phone lines, internet service that we paid on a monthly service but not used at all. It was a ghost office which we never needed. Later I came to find out that the IT manager's friend owns the place, and he was the one who recommended we rent it....at double the going rate.
The more I cleaned, the more stronger the tremors became. I was disturbing a lot of people's life hood and stopping their ill gain money supply. I did not bother as everything I was doing, I was reporting directly to the owner and his mistress with proof back up. Before any action was taken, I would have a meeting with them, show the proof and the gains to the company before getting their approval to move ahead.
The company was being cleaned with a huge amount of bleach.
Then the fake rumors started. The character assassination attempts. I challenged each rumor heard, demanding proof but no one could provide any. I continued soldiering on but I started to feel I was running out of breath, slowly feeling the noose tighten around my neck. I was a one man show and I started doubting the sincerity of the owners. I felt something was wrong, and yet I couldn't put my finger on what. The rumors were getting louder and despite promises from the owner that he has told the accusers off.... I felt things were getting worse. I had people keeping an eye on me, at the office, during lunch, even at home. I was being watched constantly and it started to get to me.
I complain to the owner and was told he would handle it, but nothing change. Things got harder and I began to stress out and I was getting depressed more and more on my helplessness.
And then one day... it just ended. I was asked to leave the company after closed to 70% of my cleaning done. The balance was the untouchables, who despite all the proof available, could not be removed. I was crushed as I have giving this company everything I had.
In the end, I was discarded like a piece of trash and I fell deeply back into depression.
The owner had tunnel vision and kept staring in front while ignoring everything else happening on the sides. He had around 5 companies in total with only one that had a contract and was making a decent profit. The other 4 companies was just dead weight, with overhead and maintenance cost monthly. We ended up using all the profit from the main company to pay everything incurred by the 4.
He trusted too many wrong people. We purchased 6 Toyota Hilux, basic specs from the price of a fully spec. Why, you might ask? Well the logistics manager, had recommended this purchase and brokered the deal between the company and the dealership. We pretty much ended up paying some 120K extra on the deal. The same manager also arranged for the purchase of a BMW 545i where we paid roughly 28K extra, a Toyota Prado which we overpaid by 17K.
I could not do anything about the managers as they were too secured and had the owner's total trust. I could however, clean the bottom of the barrel with the normal staffs. We were about 300 plus staff strong in total when I started. Upon a complete review, I soon realised that we had too many staff and a lot of them had actually very little or no work on a daily basis. I had 9 HR and Admin girls under me, when I needed only 2 Admin and 1 HR with 1 as HR and Admin. There was no reason for the other 4 companies to have HR and Admin staff when there was no work going on. So I began my culling. As the culling progressed, I met staffs who openly told me, that they had not been doing any work for the company for 2 or 3 years now. They just come to the office, punch card and go home or out.
I knew, I was ruffling feathers and I could hear the whispering in the cracks as I was cleaning up the company, but I ignored it and believed that I was doing the right thing. I got rid of 17 staffs that were working in our factory that has not been operational for the past 5 years. Yup, 17 staffs who came to work, only to sleep, watch television, surf the internet, hang out and well, not work. Mind you, the company was paying for their house rent and transportation from home to the office.
Closed down an office we had, where there was no staff yet we were paying rent for the place for the last 3 years with 5 parking passes that no one used. The office was fully set up, with existing phone lines, internet service that we paid on a monthly service but not used at all. It was a ghost office which we never needed. Later I came to find out that the IT manager's friend owns the place, and he was the one who recommended we rent it....at double the going rate.
The more I cleaned, the more stronger the tremors became. I was disturbing a lot of people's life hood and stopping their ill gain money supply. I did not bother as everything I was doing, I was reporting directly to the owner and his mistress with proof back up. Before any action was taken, I would have a meeting with them, show the proof and the gains to the company before getting their approval to move ahead.
The company was being cleaned with a huge amount of bleach.
Then the fake rumors started. The character assassination attempts. I challenged each rumor heard, demanding proof but no one could provide any. I continued soldiering on but I started to feel I was running out of breath, slowly feeling the noose tighten around my neck. I was a one man show and I started doubting the sincerity of the owners. I felt something was wrong, and yet I couldn't put my finger on what. The rumors were getting louder and despite promises from the owner that he has told the accusers off.... I felt things were getting worse. I had people keeping an eye on me, at the office, during lunch, even at home. I was being watched constantly and it started to get to me.
I complain to the owner and was told he would handle it, but nothing change. Things got harder and I began to stress out and I was getting depressed more and more on my helplessness.
And then one day... it just ended. I was asked to leave the company after closed to 70% of my cleaning done. The balance was the untouchables, who despite all the proof available, could not be removed. I was crushed as I have giving this company everything I had.
In the end, I was discarded like a piece of trash and I fell deeply back into depression.
Violet Evergarden
I've been a fan of Japanese anime for the longest of time. I love the story, the art, the uniqueness of it. I'm not referring to those anime that have young children as their target audience but those anime that target teenagers and adults with their mature story lines.
Recently, I had the pleasure of watching one, from Kyoto Animation via Netflix named Violet Evergarden and it blew my mind. It has such a beautiful story and I loved it. The story revolves around Violet Evergarden, a solider who is trying to reintegrate herself back into society after then end of the war.
I would recommend anyone who loves a good story to watch it. Oh yes, and I actually teared up while watching several episodes so be warned!
Recently, I had the pleasure of watching one, from Kyoto Animation via Netflix named Violet Evergarden and it blew my mind. It has such a beautiful story and I loved it. The story revolves around Violet Evergarden, a solider who is trying to reintegrate herself back into society after then end of the war.
I would recommend anyone who loves a good story to watch it. Oh yes, and I actually teared up while watching several episodes so be warned!
Friday, May 25, 2018
Working On Saturday
My opinion.
Working on a Saturday full day sucks.
Every supplier, government agency and banks are closed.
So I've got nothing to do.
Paperwork? That takes 10 minutes to clear.
And then it's YouTube all day long.
It's a waste of time, energy, electric and so on.
Argh.
Working on a Saturday full day sucks.
Every supplier, government agency and banks are closed.
So I've got nothing to do.
Paperwork? That takes 10 minutes to clear.
And then it's YouTube all day long.
It's a waste of time, energy, electric and so on.
Argh.
Reminiscing
Jeez.
I still cannot believe it has been 3 whole years. Time really flies without you noticing.So many things have happened to me, and I've fallen more than I've gotten up.
I was pretty down and lost. I found myself stuck, stagnant and bored of everything. And then, one day a job offer that I could not turn down came in. The pay was great, the perks, even better. Unlimited traveling expense, a company house and cars too boot. I thought about it for a bit, and decided that I had to take it. And it was truly an enjoyable job. I was on my own, in a new place, running the office and becoming my own person. Life was bliss, and I lost a lot of weight (The house came with a pool, and the beach was around 15 minutes away only). I become a different man all together. Had to invest in new clothes as the old ones were too big for me. I ate reasonable, drank very little and was enjoying this new lifestyle.
A year and 7 months later... it all came crushing down. And I fell. Hard.
I still cannot believe it has been 3 whole years. Time really flies without you noticing.So many things have happened to me, and I've fallen more than I've gotten up.
I was pretty down and lost. I found myself stuck, stagnant and bored of everything. And then, one day a job offer that I could not turn down came in. The pay was great, the perks, even better. Unlimited traveling expense, a company house and cars too boot. I thought about it for a bit, and decided that I had to take it. And it was truly an enjoyable job. I was on my own, in a new place, running the office and becoming my own person. Life was bliss, and I lost a lot of weight (The house came with a pool, and the beach was around 15 minutes away only). I become a different man all together. Had to invest in new clothes as the old ones were too big for me. I ate reasonable, drank very little and was enjoying this new lifestyle.
A year and 7 months later... it all came crushing down. And I fell. Hard.
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