Updated!!

Decided it was high time I update alot of things on this good old blog of mine! The list: 1. New Look 2. New Colours 3. New Background 4. Change my nickname 5. Change the photo 5. Edited and deleted some of the links New Look, New approach, New way of thinking.

Ehm...

It's been donkey years since I actually posted something here... and the truth of the matter is I just forgot about my blog. As time passes, and you get so wrapped with up with everyday life and find less and less time for things that are deemed less important. Slowly, you just forget about it. Alot of things has happened since my last posting, and my life has change so very much. Now, back in Malaysia after spending a good 5 years in Perth, I find myself sitting here, questioning some of my life choices, and would my life be different if I had made different decision? Recently, I met an awesome friend, who has taken the time to talk to me, motivate me, and counsel me on various matters, when she could have easily not taken a care. After all, it is not her problem. Unlike most of my friends, I have never a clicking, a resonances so strong with her. She spoke in simply terms, telling me off when needed, and just laying it bare to me, so much so, I actually sat up and listened to what she was saying. Those who know me, will know that I am a strong stubborn ass, who just refuses to listen to most. But when she spoke, and advise, I listened. I have come to realised that I am not the man I was back in the year 2000. Alot has happen, and through a string of bad choices, I have become a very dark, emotional, unable to trust, a very negative person who has no self confidence. And I'm losing interest in everything, food to my collection, to even people. I have become a shadow of the man I was, and I'm a so scared to trust anyone, that I push them away as I do not want any connections made as I know, they will screw me over. But, after the talks with my doctor (my good friend's nick name), I realise, I need to walk out of my past, and move on with my life and the future. I cannot continue with life as it is, and looking over my shoulder all the time. I need to trust, and I need to stop pushing people away. Easy to say, but in reality, change of oneself is the hardest thing one can do. It is by no means an easy and one day fix, it will take time and effort. Even now, I feel myself distancing myself from my doctor, and I am finding it very hard to not lose her as a friend. I over thinking things, and keep telling myself, I'm a disturbance to her, I'm just wasting her time, and all this thoughts just overwhelm me so much till the point when I just want to scream and let it all go.

11/02/2012 1031PM

Back.

Remembered that I do in fact have a blog.

Which most likely hates me.

Alot.

I can make alot of excuses as to why I keep failing to update, but lets be honest.
1. Lazy
2. Not Bothered.
3. Forgot

Jeez.

Lets hope I actually do blog more often from now on!

Jeez!!!

I truly am bad at blogging!! I really need a dummy's guide to proper blogging and actually blog often n not just randomly every now n then. Well, last posting in Feb and it's now... Nov!! Jeez!! It really has been that long!! But things have changed n alot if things have happen n changes had to happen in order for me to survive n be a better person!! But more of that later on. I've also lost alot of weight n am able to fit back into 2 XL clothes, from 4 XL!! Which is a wonderful achievement for me!! But later on that as well!

Reflections

The past One year and 2 months have seen many ups and downs for myself. I've had a good share of fun times, as well having really dark moments in my life.

I'm enjoying my work, getting a good salary and making ends meet. On the other hand, my social is now officially at level Zero. It no longer exist!

My parents are happy, my sister got married, and I have never been more proud to have been a part of this.

While I smile at this, I wonder, what about my life? It has been in shambles for far to long, and everytime I try to mend things, it gets worse. Maybe I am doin wrong? I have tried to be diplomatic, fight back, negotiate, but nothing seems to be working. The only option that would make things happy for the pther party, is if I were to completely surrender.

And by complete surrender is to give up my job and work for their choice of company, no going out with any friends, no facebooking, no meeting my parents or sister, giving full control of my wages over.

and its not something I want.

Work Work Work

Started work, finally after so bloody long.

Its hard.
Its tough.
Its really long hours.

But I like it!

The pay is good, and I'm pretty happy overall with everything thus far.
Hence the lack of updates. But hey, at least I am getting paid and not just hanging around doing nothing!

Once Again, I have FAILED!

Yes, its true.

There's just no point in denying it anymore.

I truly suck at blogging.

I always remind myself to update the blog, and yet, I always without fail, Forget!

I need to trade it my brain.